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Mein Kant

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Ze vriting is on ze valls.

Ze mixed race, Homo Zapienz Zuperior - zuperior in efry vay to ze ootdated Homo Zapienz - vill take ofer ze vorld.

Und yet, ve haf millions of zese moronic last year's models - ze fuhrebloods - talking about zeir zuperiority, vhile noted und notable mixed masterz ztand by und do nothing. Nothing!

Ve ztand by as dese lesser animals crowd around uz, seeking ze genius light ov our brilliance. Attracted zey are to our inwentions und technology und culture - all zuperior to zeir pathetic excuze fur such zingz.

I haf seen how dirty, fuhreblood merchantz make uze of ze beautiful memberz ov the mixed race in zeir commercialz, hoping that ze mazzez vill flock und buy their varez in a pathetic attempt to become uz.

Zeir merchants keep uz down as underwear modelz und zpokezpersonz, hoping it vould be enough for uz to have a zmall piece of ze pie.

Vhile we say, yez, ve should be in all commercialz to zhow ze booty ov ze mixed race, ve condemn ze objectification of our vomen.

Ve, as Homo Zapienz, have a duty to rule ze vorld az iz ordained by Gott und Nature. Ve zhall march down ze throat ov ze vorld und ve zhall prevail!



Mencari Puisi

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Kat depan aku sekarang ada tiga buku yang aku tak patut beli daripada KLAB - KL Alternative Bookfest. Ada Yang Nakal-Nakal oleh Sasterawan Negara yang bukan Baha Zain - Usman Awang, Re: Tangerin dan Nikotin oleh Mimi Morticia (yang ni special sikit sebab aku dapat yang sedikit basah, daripada tas tangan penulis sendiri), juga Sofa Biru oleh Nadhira Brundage dengan kulit depan yang menampilkan Nadhira - seorang gadis cantik - terbaring atas kerusi sambil menutup... mukanya dengan bahu.

Setiap buku ini aku beli atas sebab-sebab berbeza. Dan semua sebab itu salah. Aku sebenarnya dah beli satu buku semalam, jadi hari ni aku cuma ke CM sebab nak makan tengahari. Namun, selepas membelek puisi Usman Awang dalam buku terbitan Fixi Retro ini, aku jadi tertarik hati. Ini kali pertama dalam masa yang panjang, aku tertarik dengan puisi tulisan mana-mana penulis puisi kontemporari.

Secara jujur, aku dah lama meninggalkan puisi sejak aku rasa macam puisi dah dianakharamkan oleh pelbagai penulis yang macam sial. Daripada bintang-bintang popular yang menciplak karya asing dengan versi yang jauh tawar dan pukimak daripada karya asal yang dicuri, hinggalah kepada ahli politik - dan penyajak yang menjadi ahli politik - yang menggunakan puisi untuk memperjuangkan pasak politik yang bagi aku dangkal, angkuh dan bodoh.

Dr M menulis sajak - dan aku rasa takde hal untuk dia tulis. Aku menyampah kat fanboys dia yang buat seolah-olah sajak Perjuangan Yang Belum Selesai tu sajak pertama ditulis manusia. Aku juga tak setuju dengan A Samad Said menulis sajak pendek di Twitter untuk menentang kerajaan. Bukan sebab dia menentang kerajaan. Pergi mampus Barisan Nasional, pergi mampus kerajaan. Aku cuma rasa sajak pendek yang ditulisnya di Twitter sama saja kualitinya dengan pantun mencarut aku buat.

Pada pendapat aku, kalau dia nak kritik kerajaan melalui puisi - sajak terutamanya - dia boleh buat macam Usman Awang - buat betul-betul. Sindiran dalam Yang Nakal-Nakal memang pedas dan tajam, dan walaupun ditulis pada tahun 70an dan 80an, amat kena dengan situasi semasa. Inilah tanda karya yang hebat - makin lama, makin kena.

Ya, buku Yang Nakal-Nakal aku beli walaupun dah melanggar belanjawan aku sebab aku suka puisinya.

Siakap, senohong,
Gelama ikan duri;
Bercakap bohong,
Bolehkah jadi menteri?

SOLD!

Yang dua lagi ni, panjang ceritanya. Dua-dua awek yang cantik. Mimi Morticia dan Nadhira Brundage memang lawa, tapi itu bukan sebabnya aku beli. Aku beli sebab yang lebih peribadi daripada konek aku sendiri.

Scene puisi kat KL ni dah banyak beralih ke arah poetry slam yang dah macam rap battle. Antara personaliti yang paling menonjol - mamat nama Jamal. Jamal ni power rap dia. Puisi dia pun power. Tapi, aku ni jenis orang tua. Lahir-lahir je, dah 40 tahun. Taste aku, taste orang tua.

Aku dah makin putus hubungan dengan dunia kontemporari anak muda. Bentuk puisi yang aku suka pun dah banyak pupus. Ada sesapa buat gurindam lagi tak? Pantun Melayu pun dah jadi lain. Bila aku disuruh buat pantun Melayu klasik, orang yang komisyenkan aku suruh buat pun tak tau bentuk apa pantun Melayu klasik. Semua sajak dah takde struktur. Takde rima, ritma, meter pun buang ke laut.

Aku percaya pada struktur. Pada bentuk. Dalam bentuk itu, dalam gelanggang itu kita boleh menari, tapi kalau tiada garisnya, tiada rangkanya, apa yang dibuat terlalu chaotic. Cacamarba. Tapi, itu cuma fikiran aku.

Aku makin sedar, ini bukan salah anak muda yang menjadi penulis puisi sekarang, tapi mungkin salah aku. Aku dah hilang sikit kebolehan untuk adaptasikan diri aku pada dunia semasa. Dalam masa 10 tahun lagi, aku jadi deneso, cam Rais Yatim. Nanti bila aku jadi Menteri Kebudayaan, ada aku tangkap semua orang pasal tulis puisi yang aku tak suka.

Jadi, ya, aku membeli dua buku ini untuk tengok balik apa kejadah yang generasi zaman sekarang suka tulis, dalam bentuk puisi. Mungkin bentuk puisi itu sendiri dah berubah sampai aku tak kenal, tapi aku memang tak relevant. Aku orang tua.

Aku juga amat respect Sufian Abas from Selut Press (Sang Freud Press?) sebab dia dan Aloy Paradoks berani menerbitkan buku-buku puisi. Biasanya buku-buku puisi susah nak jual. Niche market, macam komik.

Apa pun, aku akan start membaca dua buku awek cun yang tulis puisi sekarang. Yang Nakal-Nakal aku dah habis baca dalam teksi tadi. Memang best.

The Four Moods and Other Bullshit

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So today, I went out and had coffee with someone new. Surprisingly, I fell back into my core and did things as I would years ago. It was neither wrong nor right, but simply an observation.

In classic Greek psychology, which is mostly psycho-babble, they identified four distinct character traits - choleric, melancholic, phlegmatic and sanguine.

Cholerics are defined by being very decisive, objective-oriented, extroverted and are generally big-picture people. Cholerics make very good leaders and managers, but they are fixated on ideals and would throw tantrums if their idea of the world does not tally with reality. They are driven control-freaks, but unknown to them, they are highly dependent on other classes to get the job done. Cholerics hold the vision.

 Melancholics are introverted, analytical, indecisive, objective oriented and value data over everything else. The smartest people are melancholics. You need to know something? Ask a melancholic. The problem is melancholics are not driven. They are indecisive and despite having all the skills and knowledge, they usually end up in an information catharsis or even chrysalis - they hide under the covers of information and never, ever, come out. Melancholics hold information.

Phlegmatics are introverted, people-oriented and are generally followers. There is not much use for phlegmatics, except as followers, and yet they are also the life-blood of the workforce. Malaysia is filled with phlegmatics. The tidak apa attitude is distinctly phlegmatic. Phlegmatics hold conscience.

The last class is sanguine, who are dodgy, people-oriented extroverts who value popularity. They preen and strut around, often saying things without thinking. They are dumb blondes - popular and yet extremely stupid. ALL effective selling is done by sanguines and the most powerful ones could sell you a 'prostitute in a vagina storm', as the phrase turns. Sanguines hold the image.

The best class is no class. When you can switch from one to the other according to the needs of the situation or crowd.

I hate sanguines because they always make my job difficult. They drop in, say everything they want to say, no plan, no info, and leave me with figuring out how to do what has become the impossible. I am melancholic, by the way - the smartest of all classes.

So, for the past few years, I have explored sanguine as well as choleric tendencies and traits. No matter how much I resist and hate, hate, HATE those things, I understand they are essential.

Today, over coffee, I switched - consciously - from one form to the other, feeling very much like the Decepticon Six-Shot. It was fun, until my Buddhist training decided I need to go home and sleep before waking up tonight to do work.

Buddhism and Hinduism have different views on psychology as compared to the Greeks. Hinduism says that the world is only a flawed perception through our imperfect minds. "The mind is maya," said one Guru. This means that we are always wrong.

Buddhism puts the self, the ego, not as the center of the universe or the center of everything, but as the entire universe, of which we are part of. The lotus symbolism is sometimes referred to - by some - as a fractal (I do not know whether lotuses are fractals, but I do know ferns are naturally occurring fractals). It means we are both part of and the entire universe at once.

Some parts of quantum physics - pseudo-science to the unbelievers - believe fractals hold a key to the universe. But this may be due to the scientists were once flower-children and would like it if some 'exotic' eastern philosophies turn out to be true. They even named a fractal map the Buddhabrot, because it resembles the Buddha's more common icon.

A Buddhabrot - a fractal map reminiscent to Siddharta Gautama


And thus ends my pseudo-intellectual rant. I'll be back after I have done some more business work in the corporate wilderness.

Nightmares and Dreamscapes

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One of my short stories made it to Futura - a website with sci-fi stories set in Malaysia, 50 years later. Or something.

You can read Forms and Functionshere. I was also told another one of my shorts will be in the Malaysian edition of Esquire magazine, the July 2013 edition.

I got tons to do, stories to write, a book to edit, proposals, taking chicks out, so I think everything's going fine.


Tok Sukaria Daripada Kumpulan Sukaria

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Pagi tadi, aku bangun tidur je, aku dapat mesej menerusi Twitter daripada Fadli Al-Akiti. Dia suruh baca pasal Shabery Cheek tanya soalan pasal industri filem Malaysia.

Aku pun mula melancap kat Twitter pasal pengalaman singkat aku dalam dunia filem Malaysia. Sampai ke malam, dan sekarang, sambil aku minum kopi sebelum sambung kerja-kerja korporat dan kreatif aku, aku nak kongsi apa yang aku alami dalam industri penuh 'glamer' ini.

Ramai member tanya aku, "Ko tak buat filem dah ke?" Jawapan aku banyak, daripada, "Aku tengah buat filem porno pertama Malaysia untuk arus perdana." ke "Aku hanya nak buat filem yang aku nak atau kalau dibayar dengan tinggi untuk buat filem orang lain."

Ada yang tanya, sama ada aku dah merajuk. Sebenarnya, takde apa yang aku nak rajukkan atau nak komplen. Aku bersyukur dengan semua peluang yang datang tanpa diundang.

Aku tengah takde kerja pada tahun 2006 bila Norman KRU call aku, tanya, "Ko nak tulis filem tak?". Aku cakap, "Okay", pastu aku Google format skrip. Untuk penulis skrip baru, format skrip ada di www.imsdb.com (Internet Movie Script Database).

Kat IMSDB ada skrip-skrip hebat macam A Beautiful Mind. Skrip A Beautiful Mind yang lengkap, dibaca macam novel. "Cahaya matahari menembusi jag berisi lemonade dan membentuk pola geometri di atas alas meja. Pola ini naik, terapung dan hanyut ke kiri." Cam sial, kan?

Kalau nak tanya pasal software, aku pernah pakai Final Draft, Celtx.org dan jugak Word. Semua boleh pakai. Final Draft dan Celtx ada formatting yang dah automatik. Kau tekan enter, action line. Tekan enter lagi, nama character. Ko tekan je butang 'A', dia keluar list semua character bermula huruf A. Ko tekan enter lagi, dia masuk dialogue font dan format.

Celtx.org jugak ada Gantt chart, siap kira berapa line dialogue setiap character cakap, berapa scene, kira scene sama kat mana. COntoh - Scene office ada 20, scene neraka ada 40, blablabla.

Aku start pakai Word je. Kadang-kadang, OpenOffice pun aku lenjan. Ko boleh import format masuk dalam Word. Astro, Media Prima, ada format berbeza untuk benda berbeza. Ada format skrip rancangan majalah kat TV, format skrip drama TV, filem, animasi, etc.

Filem pertama aku buat ialah MySpy. Aku tulis skrip ikut format skrip komik. Lepas tu, aku dipanggil untuk buat Merong. Tengah buat Merong, aku buat Magika. Pastu, 29 Februari.

Semua filem dengan KRU. Walaupun ramai jugak orang komplen pasal KRU, aku okay je. Diorang bayar aku untuk skrip aku, dan dah takde hutang dah. Diorang bagi aku peluang terlibat dengan projek-projek filem yang gah, jadi aku takde apa nak cakap melainkan terima kasih.

Aku tau aku amat bernasib baik.

Ramai tanya pasal nak tulis skrip, tapi last-last, biasanya takde yang tulis. Semua nak tanya pasal software apa, macam kalau pelukis komik orang tanya pasal berus apa pakai, pensil nombor berapa, dkawat apa pakai. Hakikatnya, ramai yang berfikir kalau dia ada peralatan yang sesuai, semua benda akan siap secara automatik.

Butuh. Eh, sorry. Naif.

Camnilah. Ko beli la Canon 5D Mark 42 pun, kalau ko tak spend berjam-jam atau berhari-hari ambik gambar, takkan ada gambar ko yang macam Ansel Adams. Ken Rockwell, seorang photographer, pernah beli kamera second hand harga USD 5 (RM15), fixed focus, fixed zoom. Pastu dia pergi ambik gambar Death Valley, gantung kat Smithsonian. Pasal apa? Pasal nak buktikan yang bukan alat yang bikin sesuatu, tapi diri sendiri.

Of course, takde sapa tanya dia pasal dia bangun pagi sebelum subuh ke, berapa lama dia scout nak ambik shot tu ke, apa ke. Semua terpesona dengan kamera dan bukan usaha orang di belakang kamera.

Bagi aku, pengalaman aku dalam industri filem amat terhad. Dan aku tak pernah bercita-cita nak menerap revolusi atau 'menggempar' industri. Aku buat semua tu, pasal aku nak belajar. Kat mana lagi aku nak faham pasal penulisan skrip, kalau bukan dengan menulis skrip itu sendiri?

Ramai orang tanya tadi, camana nak kembangkan industri filem, camana nak improve.

Aku rasa, industri dah cukup berkembang dengan munculnya ramai gila pembuat filem Malaysia. Tak kira la, indie ke, chinie ke, melayie ke. Bobo pun dah dipinang MIG, kau. Untuk beberapa tahun akan datang, indie filmmakers akan cuba-cuba, acah-acah masuk mainstream. Cuba buat crossover hit. Indie film yang mampu menggamit minat masyarakat arus perdana. Maksudnya, ujian litmus (litmus test) ialah kutipan di box office. Aku rasa ini perkembangan yang amat sihat. Sejajar dengan ramalan aku beberapa tahun lepas yang ujian bagi generasi ini ialah menggabungkan kepuasan dan kebebasan kreatif dengan pulangan wang ringgit yang berbaloi. Filem-filem yang memuaskan hati sendiri dan khalayak. Chewah!

Yay! Aku betul. Lagi.

Ramai komplen kat FB Shabery Cheek, cakap pasal filem bodoh. Aku rasa ini tak adil. Twilight mungkin bodoh untuk ramai orang, tapi siapa lagi banyak duit, Stephenie Meyer ke, ko? Kalau aku boleh tulis buku cerita bodoh pastu kaut duit beratus juta, aku tak fikir itu kerja bodoh. Pergilah mampus. Aku ambik je duit tu.

Sama macam filem Malaysia. Ramai tak dengar cakap David Teoh, walaupun mamat tu kelakar dan menghayati sesuatu yang kebanyakan terlepas pandang.

"Ramai orang tidak faham, apa itu berdagang filem," kata David, dalam satu interview aku dengan dia.

Betul! David Teoh dah buat berapa puluh filem? Ke dah lebih seratus? Sumbangan dia pada industri ialah menhgindustrikan filem ini. Ko takde industri kalau hanya sebuah Bunohan - antara filem terbaik dalam masa 30 tahun kebelakangan ini - dibuat setiap tiga-empat tahun.

"Awak tau macam mana mau buat filem boleh jual sama Melayu? Kasi Melayu buat filem lah!" - ini statement David Teoh yang sebenarnya amat bijaksana dan menghayati intipati suasana dan keadaan sosial Malaysia. Kejap lagi aku huraikan.

Yusof Haslam? Pada satu masa, Yusof Haslam je yang buat filem lain daripada orang lain. Dia buat filem Sembilu, masa zaman filem komedi je yang keluar. Semua poster kartun, dia punya poster ada Ziana Zain posing tepi. Fuyoo, wa cakap lu.



Pengakuan: Aku pernah mengaut untung RM2 daripada Sembilu 2. Aku beratur kat panggung Seremban. Harga tiket Sembilu 2, RM4. Ada la dua-tiga brader mintak aku belikan tiket sebab aku dah ke depan. Aku caj RM1 extra setiap tiket. Dapat la RM2, subsidikan separuh harga tiket aku.

Ramai orang 'urban' kutuk filem-filem rempit, tapi aku rasa, selagi masyarakat Malaysia masih mahukan filem rempit, tak salah untuk mereka disajikan dengan filem sebegitu. Kalau kita suka sesuatu, tak semestinya semua orang suka benda tu. Contoh, aku suka filem Babe. Tak semua orang suka tengok filem babi bercakap, atau babi yang bercita-cita jadi anjing.

Nak paksa orang suka benda yang kita suka, jadilah cam cybertrooper BN. Orang tak vote parti dia sokong, marah. Apahal? Orang tak tengok filem yang dia 'sokong', marah. Sama jelah korang dengan cybertroopers - melalak tak tentu pasal.

Paling takleh blah - nak salahkan penonton. Samalah macam salahkan tsunami Cina. Dah demokrasi, beb. Cina nak undi orang utan ke, gajah ke, suka ati dia la. Cina taknak tengok filem Melayu? So? Apa ko nak buat? Ko nak masuk ke setiap rumah orang yang tak tengok filem yang ko suka, pastu nak heret dia ke panggung?

David Teoh faham yang filem bukan benda yang perlu untuk masyarakat Malaysia, macam nasi, gula, telur, ayam, petrol dan diesel. Filem ni, kalau nak suruh orang tengok, kena pujuk, kena mintak. Orang tengok filem Malaysia kebanyakannya membelanjakan wang ringgit yang mereka boleh gunakan untuk beli rokok, gula, ayam, atau tengok filem asing yang secara keseluruhannya - secara purata, ya - dibuat dengan modal lebih besar, dengan kelengkapan lebih baik, dengan kemahiran lebih jitu yang telah diasah sempurna selama berpuluh-puluh tahun.

Filem Malaysia hanya mempunyai satu tarikan untuk audience Malaysia - jika filem itu dibuat khusus untuk mereka. Cerita yang mereka suka, pelakon yang mereka suka, apa-apa saja yang mereka suka. Filem ni, untuk seronok-seronok. Siapa yang pergi tengok filem sebab nak kena dera?

Aku kadang-kadang tengok International Screen kat GSC, filem entah hapa-hapa dari Eropah, Iran dan Jepun bukan pasal aku nak kena dera atau nak berlagak kat beruk, tapi sebab aku seronok. Kadang-kadang la. Dan paling aku suka - bila dalam panggung biasanya ada dua-tiga orang je yang memang tak bercakap atau tendang belakang kerusi aku macam beruk - pengalaman biasa menonton filem Malaysia.

Namun, kalau pembuat filem baru ingin penonton arus perdana sukakan benda yang lain (bukan baru, sebab aku tak nampak apa-apa yang baru dalam masa beberapa dekad ni), mereka harus menghidangkan filem yang berjenis itu secara konsisten dan berharap orang akan belajar suka.

Ini cara untuk memenangi hati penonton arus perdana, kalau nak try kutip 12 juta la. Itu bukan matlamat semua orang. Ko ingat Dain Said pedulittaik? Dia buat je. Pergilah mampus orang nak cakap apa. Hasilnya, dia dinobatkan ramai orang - termasuk aku - sebagai pembuat filem paling berjaya dalam masa beberapa tahun ini. Bunohan ialah sebuah filem yang selayaknya diarkibkan sebagai salah satu warisan budaya Malaysia.

Tapi, kalau duit bukan tujuan, lagi bagus. Buat je filem apa yang kau suka. Tak salah, dan walaupun ada beruk serta kera yang akan cakap 'filem syok sendiri' atau 'filem tak laku', pedulik hapa?

Masalah birokrasi, berukera tu semua pergi mampus. Hada aku kesah? Cak cak cak.

Hikmat Sukaria: Jurus Bersukaria Di Ladang

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Previously, on Amir Hafizi...

Beberapa minggu lepas, aku duduk dengan krew Kil dan membincangkan benda-benda melancap. Redza Minhat mencadangkan industri perfileman Malaysia perlukan pemikiran niaga yang mampu menaikkan industri daripada tahap industri desa ke tahap kecil dan sederhana.

End Flashback

Tadi aku pergi minum dengan seorang tokoh Internet. Sebagai Tokoh Korporat, aku memenuhi kehendak khalayak dengan melawat kawasan dan berbincang pasal industri kreatif Malaysia.

Antara perkara yang dibincangkan ialah konsep harta intelek yang dipasarkan di pawagam, kaca TV, halaman buku dan lain-lain sebagai loss leaders dan keuntungan sebenar diangkut daripada sumber lapisan kedua dan ketiga.

Sebagai contoh: Angry Birds dan Upin dan Ipin. Kos setiap game baru Angry Birds tidak dapat dikaut balik dengan hanya menjual permainan video itu. Tidak. Rovio mengaut untung daripada perlesenan barangan cenderahati seperti bantal, kemeja T, seluar dalam, cadar dan lain-lain.

Upin dan Ipin tidak membuat banyak untung daripada siri animasi mereka, tetapi berjaya menokok pulangan berjumlah RM17 juta hasil jualan barangan sebegitu.

Pada tahun 2003, aku ada menulis rencana perihal industri anime. Kebanyakan atau semua siri anime Jepun tidak untung, tetapi nilai industri barangan hobi anime melebihi USD 3.1 billion. Ini angka pada tahun 2003. Sepuluh tahun kemudian, adakah keadaannya berbeza?

Sebab aku tidak lagi bekerja di suratkhabar, aku dah malas nak cari angka sebenar. Namun, memandangkan salah satu siri anime paling popular Jepun hari ini - Fairy Tail - disebarkan di Internet secara percuma (PERCUMA!) oleh pembikinnya selepas tayangan di TV, aku fikir industri anime di sana masih sama - kau tidak mendapat pulangan laba keuntungan daripada hanya menjual pengisian, tetapi menjana pendapatan daripada jualan barangan.

Aku panggil ini lapisan kedua atau lapisan ketiga, ikut mood.

Jadi, kalau kita ambil dua filem popular dalam masa beberapa tahun yang lepas, Ombak Rindu dan KL Gangster - bagaimana ingin menoreh ke dalam lapisan pendapatan kedua ini?

Maya Karin boleh pakai tudung ada bonjot tepi atau ada tanduk, dan tudung itu kemudiannya dijual oleh penerbit sebagai 'Tudung Ombak Rindu' semasa Perhimpunan Agung UMNO. KL Gangster boleh menjual pelekat motor untuk Mat Rempit di Dataran Merdeka dan kedai-kedai rempit, juga di zoo.

Bagaimana dengan Bunohan? Rock Oo dan Kil? Sarung tinju Bunohan? Teh Hijau Zahiril Adzim? Spek Pekin? Pick gitar Rock Oo? Salun Rambut Rock Oo? Baju pejabat Kil (untuk pemuda berjiwa bunuh diri)?

Masih ingat minuman Sudi? KRUCola?



Aku juga ada terlibat dalam satu projek yang ingin menjual cenderahati daripada siri TV tersebut, namun sampai sekarang aku masih belum nampak jualan barangan itu berlangsung.

Menjual barangan dalam lapisan kedua juga ada masalah - sudahlah separuh mati menjual karya, kau nak jual baju pulak?

Ini cabarannya, namun, adakah wujud nilai dalam idea ini? Aku tak pasti sama ada ingin menjual idea ini ataupun memperlekehkannya.

Dan industri hiburan Malaysia perlukan idea baru untuk kekal hidup.

Kalau dilihat daripada kutipan tiket, rata-rata filem Malaysia mendapat tamparan padu maut daripada khalayak. Tidak kiralah sama ada filem rempit, filem seram mahupun filem pandai. Hampir semua tak laku.

Yang menariknya, kalau dikaji graf kutipan filem tak kira filem tempatan atau asing, polanya meningkat. Kutipan panggung pada tahun 2006 ialah RM235 juta. Kutipan tahun 2012 ialah RM608 juta. Namun, filem cereka tempatan dah tak balik modal, sejak 2012 (aku takda data sebelum 2010). Tahun lepas, jumlah kos produksi dilaporkan di laman web Finas berjumlah RM123 juta untuk 76 filem. Kutipan? RM97 juta. RUGI!

Ini menunjukkan yang orang Malaysia tahun lepas dah bolayan dengan filem tempatan. Nak salahkan diorang? Nak jadi BN cybertroopers?

Aku belek The Malay Mail Online yang baru. Laman web hiburannya memaparkan laporan artis  antarabangsa dan aku terhibur dengan berita Justin Bieber jiwang dengan pelayan Hooters. Kalau 10 tahun lepas, mana-mana portal hiburan yang tidak memaparkan liputan kahwin-gaduh-cerai artis tempatan tampak layu dan sugul.

Liputan hiburan di Malaysia, kalau tak cerita pasal industri kat sini, memang berangan dan macam pukimak. Tapi itu 10 tahun yang lepas. Masa dah berubah. Walaupun laman web The Malay Mail Online yang baru dan tampak kemas ini banyak memaparkan liputan berita daripada 'wire' antarabangsa, aku tak kisah sangat, pasal aku pun dah lama malas nak layan berita tempatan kecuali terpaksa, pasal kerja aku.

Lebih-lebih lagi pasal berita artis tempatan - satu benda yang aku kerjakan dulu macam orang gila. Bagaimana agaknya penerimaan anak-anak muda, sama ada rempit atau non-rempit?

Kalau hijabster pun, asyik dengan K-Pop. Pasal apa? Pasal K-Pop boleh bukak baju tanpa kena gam. Artis antarabangsa memaparkan seks selamat sebab mereka kebanyakannya bukan Islam, walhal artis sini, minum arak malah bukak baju pun jadi isu. Rambut panjang jadi isu. Camana nak menarik minat rempit, kalau takleh tunjuk tetek?

Yang masih menyokong industri hiburan tempatan ialah mat dan minah rempit, kaum pondan, budak-budak kecik. Mak bapak sibuk beromen je kerjanya. Mana lah nak tengok filem tempatan.

Bagi benda free nak lah. Konsert free, ramai. Mintak beli, ada la beberapa kerat.

Akhirnya, semua ini akan menyumbang kepada kemelesetan industri filem dan akhirnya hiburan negara. Alaa, macam 90an dulu. Siapa nak buat filem, kalau filem asyik rugi? Baik main pelacur. Dapat gak pancut. Pelaburan balik modal.

Entahlah.

Nak sokong, tak kena dengan jiwa. Nak kutuk, kesian. Industri hiburan yang dikatakan bernilai RM20 billion. Berapa nilainya sekarang? Berapa nilainya tahun depan?

Sang Elektron: Best HK Comics Character

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Translated comics from Hong Kong were a staple for me in my younger days because US comics were too expensive and not enough translators were available for Japanese comics at the time. So we had Jademan, Jade Dynastry (Tony Wong), Jonesky (Ma Wing Shing) and Ocean Creative (Wan Yat Leung), mostly, as our very own manhua Marvel and DC.

The best character to have ever graced the pages of manhua is Sang Elektron. I have no idea what his real name is, probably Tony Loy. Sang Elektron is the only name I know him by, horribly translated by the people who brought those comics here.

Sang Elektron was part of the Blue Dream Syndicate, a leader of tier-2 warriors serving Blue Dream and Orga, and the board of directors.

However, Sang Elektron rebelled because he found out he and most of the others were physically brainwashed from remembering they were trained and tortured as small children in order to establish the Blue Dream Syndicate.

He started off with around half of the Blue Dream Syndicate supporting him, but one by one, they all fell into the evil brainwashing cult that is the Blue Dream Syndicate.

Sang Elektron found himself on the plains of Africa, fighting his enemies and former friends - in fact, the ENTIRE Tiger Shark universe of characters, except for three people who were either late or were hiding somewhere like a bunch of pussies.

That meant one man versus a literal army of super-powered warriors. To put it into perspective, imagine if Kuririn (another favourite character) of Dragonball Z had to fight the entire DBZ roster of characters, including Goku, Vegeta, Buu, Freeza, Cell, etc.

And he fought with honour, intelligence and spirit. The result? He killed over half of the Blue Dream Syndicate and would have killed everyone if not for Orga's interference. Orga is a dumbass.

And when he died, Sang Elektron stayed dead. This was before Tiger Shark became too ridiculous and everyone died and were reborn and died and reborn again, but he just stayed dead, and as long as he is, he will forever be a legend.

So Sang Elektron:

1. He rebelled against injustice and stood for what he believed in.
2. He didn't give a fuck what his friends or enemies thought.
3. He fought everyone for the sake of his ideals.
4. He made full use of his limited abilities. Compare this to overpowered idiots like Orga who never achieved his full potential because he's stupid, and later wanted to fuck his sister.
5. He almost won, but just scored 50% because of cowardly tactics.
6. He went away and died before his character got boring. And he stayed dead.

Sang Elektron - best manhua character ever.

Tok Sukaria Melancarkan Jurus Hikmat Sukaria

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Entah kenapa, sebaik saja aku meletakkan jawatan kat Media Prima pada bulan April, sampai sekarang tak kurang daripada tiga syarikat berbeza dan beberapa rakan yang bertanya kepada aku soalan ini:

"Bagaimana menembusi pasaran Melayu?"

Jawapan aku biasanya: "Kalau aku tahu, aku dah kaya dan dah bersara."

Industri kreatif di negara ini, contohnya, disokong hampir sepenuhnya oleh satu bahagian kecil orang Melayu.

Kita ambil muzik. Siapa beli album, download ringtone, pergi konsert artis tempatan, tak kira la bangsa artis tu apa?

Orang bandar yang mendabik dada intelektual dan pandai, bijak serba-serbi dan mahukan "sesuatu yang boleh 'dibanggakan'", pernahkah membeli mana-mana album artis tempatan?

Jualan album muzik jatuh merudum, kalau dibandingkan dua tiga dekad lepas. Dulu, kalau nak dapat piring emas, kena jual paling kurang 50,000 unit album. Lagi lama dulu, 100,000 unit. Sekarang? 20,000 unit terjual pun dah dikira berjaya nak mampus.

Aku bukan orang pertama cakap pasal benda ni. Ramai dah wartawan hiburan yang tulis.

Orang bandar? Orang bandar, dengan Unifinya, YES4G nya, aku fikir kebanyakannya lebih suka download secara haram. Duit ada, nak download halal ada, tapi buat apa nak bagi duit kat artis? Tak standard la, dengar muzik tempatan.

Jadi yang beli, orang kampung takde internet.

Filem Malaysia? Siapa pergi tengok? Siapa yang masih pergi tengok filem tempatan? Rempit, pondan, bebudak. Ko hantarlah print filem ke pawagam kat bandar-bandar - sapa nak belanjakan wang ringgit, habiskan masa sejam lebih tengok cerita kau?

Orang kampung jugak yang bersemangat. Orang bukan-KL. Masa Merong tayang kat pawagam dulu, aku follow dari jauh perkembangan kutipannya. Setiap minggu, Norman KRU buat video, macam nak announce puasa, pasal kat mana kutipan yang bagus.

Aku ingat lepas 2-3 minggu, Pahang, Johor, Kedah, Putrajaya dan kawasan yang dekat dengan Shah Alam (Klang) yang tak ada pawagam tapi ada 69% Melayu (terima kasih, GE13) yang banyak lagi orang tengok.

Masa Kil baru-baru ni, aku dengar kat Alamanda Putrajaya hampir penuh, tapi kat Cheras tiga orang je dalam panggung.

Kalau kita lihat KL Gangster - box office terbesar dalam sejarah filem tempatan - RM12 juta lebih kurang - kita dapat menelaah yang daripada 1.2 juta tiket terjual (lebih kurang), kita ada mungkin maksimum 500 ribu penonton filem tempatan (lebih kurang).

Daripada jumlah 28 juta penduduk, 500,000 orang ni lah ko nak harap datang tengok filem kau, dengar muzik kau, baca buku kau. Siapa 500,000 ni?

Aku percaya, 500,000 ni mereka yang masih sukakan hiburan tempatan. Mereka inilah yang membanjiri shopping mall bila ada Jelajah ABPBH, yang berpanas kat padang masa JomHeboh dan kempen Jelajah Janji Ditepati. Juga Marhaban Astro, Gempak Astro, Pesona Bersama Bintang dan lain-lain.

Aku sempat follow JJD dan ABPBH dalam masa dua tahun, dan aku nampak betapa bersemangatnya diorang ni. Diorang ni la yang rempuh pintu kaca PWTC pada tahun 2003/2004 masa reveal peserta Akademi Fantasia musim pertama kali pertama selepas show tu hit. Sampai pecah.

Aku suka tengok langkah pemasaran WWE - World Wrestling Entertainment (dulu WWF) - sebab aku amat menghormati langkah yang mereka ambil untuk memasarkan sesuatu yang dulunya hanya ada segelintir peminat tegar yang rata-rata datang daripada kelompok miskin US.

WWE sekarang bernilai US$1.7 billion. Ya. Billion. B. Sapa kata gusti tu bodoh? Ko? Ko ada US$1.7 billion? Kalau takde, ko lagi bodoh daripada gusti.

Empayar WWE merangkumi permainan video, filem-filem murahan (tapi berjaya buat duit macam siri Marine, 12 Rounds, etc) barangan seperti t-shirt, topi, sarung tangan buih plastik besar.

Asas WWE ialah roadshow diorang, sebab gusti ni mula popular sebagai sebahagian karnival atau pesta atas tanah yang rata-rata penuh penipuan.

Diorang dulu hanya bergantung pada kutipan tiket peminat-peminat fanatik yang begitu teruja bila penggusti datang ke tempat mereka. Dan WWE secara tak malunya mempromosi benda-benda sensational seperti pergaduhan suami isteri, krisis keluarga, dendam kesumat, berebut bekas abu dan pelbagai elemen bangang, tapi menjadi.

Hasilnya, WWE diterima di hampir setiap negara dia lawat. Orang ramai berpusu-pusu membeli tiket, melemparkan wang mereka untuk tengok orang dewasa lawan acah-acah sambil menari di dalam gelanggang.

Seperti kata-kata Executive Vice President of Talent Relations, Triple H (Paul Levesque) bila ditanya kenapa produknya diterima di semua tempat, "Kami menjual cerita, dan cerita kami amat  mudah difahami - dua lelaki, seorang baik dan seorang jahat, masuk ke gelanggang. Seorang keluar sebagai pemenang, seorang keluar sebagai orang kalah."

Aku rasa apa yang kita boleh ambil daripada WWE ialah mereka mencipta satu produk yang dapat diterima oleh semua lapisan masyarakat. Maaf, hampir semua lapisan masyarakat. Orang bandar kat Malaysia yang sungguh genius dan tak menonton gusti sebab hanya orang bodoh menonton gusti takkan terlibat dengan pengalaman WWE. Mereka sungguh genius sampai semua rata-rata ada duit melebihi US$1.7 billion dalam akaun bank mereka.

Ini ialah jawapan aku sendiri kepada industri kreatif yang aku minati - aku ingin membuat karya yang berfungsi pada lapisan yang banyak. Kalau rempit nak tengok, rempit happy. Kalau pondan tengok, pondan happy. Kalau intelektual tengok, golongan intelektual boleh pergi mampus sebab intelektual kat Malaysia ni sama taraf dengan bulu kat lubang jubur taik aku je.

Satu perkara lagi - perkauman. Selama 40 tahun lebih, industri filem Malaysia dah jadi industri filem Melayu. Dibuat oleh orang Melayu, untuk orang Melayu. Jadi aku tak pelik kalau orang bukan Melayu bolayan dengan filem Melayu. Apa ada dalam filem Melayu untuk mereka?

Soalan sama boleh ditanya untuk golongan orang bandar yang ada duit melebihi US$1.7 billion ni semua. What's in it for them? Ini wajar ditanya sekiranya ada penggiat karya kreatif yang mahu membuka segmen baru pasaran dengan menarik pelbagai audience baru yang dulunya tidak menonton filem Malaysia.

Kalau filem macam KL Gangster ialah wish-fulfilment untuk mat rempit dan watak-watak dalam tu ialah superhero bagi rempit, dan Ombak Rindu ialah wish-fulfilment untuk wanita Melayu punya rape fantasy dengan Maya Karin seorang superhero gadis bertudung yang sanggup menundukkan seorang perogol menjadi lelaki baik hanya dengan menjadi mangsa - apa karya kau boleh beri pada golongan yang tak tengok filem tempatan? Sesuatu yang The Avengers tak boleh bagi?

Daripada kau tanya aku, macamana nak tembusi pasaran Melayu, baik kita semua tanya diri sendiri - macamana nak tembusi pasaran Malaysia.

Apakah jawapannya? Kalau aku tahu, aku dah ada US$1.7 billion. Tapi, tak salah untuk mencuba, malah digalakkan dan dialu-alukan. Aku pun mahu melihat industri kreatif berkembang.

Tok Sukaria: Parti Di Hujung Dunia

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Aku percaya yang  filem memberi gambaran atau petunjuk untuk sesebuah masyarakat atau negara.

Contohnya, semasa penyebaran kuasa imperialis Amerika, kita ada filem-filem Rambo keluar dari sana, juga filem Rocky IV yang menunjukkan wish-fulfillment rakyat Amerika - orang mereka mebelasah hati keras Rusia (Rocky IV), pergi menang semula perang Vietnam untuk US (Rambo II, siri Missing in Action)menyekat kemaraan Rusia dan membantu pejuang berhemah di Afghanistan (Rambo III). Juga, Red Dawn yang menunjukkan sekumpulan pelajar sekolah menengah US menentang invasi Rusia. (Terima kasih Cracked.com!)

Filem-filem ini mengaut keuntungan di box office sebab berjaya meluahkan rasa hati rakyat Amerika.

Industri filem Malaysia yang bagi aku macam hidup segan mati tak mahu tahun ini, ialah satu petunjuk yang mengimbas realiti sosio-politik Malaysia.

Dibebankan oleh kesilapan-kesilapan lampau- membuat filem hanya untuk segelintir rakyat Malaysia, isu perkauman, penapisan tidak sekata, menganggap audience bodoh, tak bayar orang, bekerja sambil lewa, perasan bagus - semua dosa industri filem sekarang nampak sudah ada hasilnya.

Tahun lepas, 76 filem tempatan mencatatkan kerugian RM26 juta di pawagam. Tahun ini, 2013, nampaknya mungkin ada pola yang sama.

Aku - dan beberapa rakan lain - merasakan bahawa apocalypse atau kiamat industri perfileman tempatan ialah sesuatu yang akan terjadi, sama ada cepat atau lambat.

Tak perlu risau - ini semua pernah terjadi dulu. Di Indonesia, pada tahun '80an dan awal '90an, industri perfileman mereka ranap dan pada satu masa, hanya filem-filem soft-porn yang keluar. Aku masih ingat liputan ini di dalam akhbar Berita Harian, pasal CD filem Cewek Atas Cowok ialah salah satu atau satu-satunya filem hit tahun itu.

Malaysia juga, pada masa itu, hanya tinggal beberapa orang penggiat filem. Yang keluar panggung, aku ingat banyak filem-filem komedi. AR Badul (Hantu Siang, Pang5 Badul, Si Jantung Hati), Mat Sentul (Mat Tenggek, Mat Bond, Mat Spy), Os (Awang Spanar, OK)Keluarga Si Comat, Da Di Du.

Malah, pada tahun 1985, hanya lima (5) filem dihasilkan. Salah satunya, Ali Setan dan satu lagi, Bujang Selamat (sumber: Filemkita.com). Yang lain? Anak Niat, Kumpulan O dan Roda-Roda.

Aku tau dan pernah tengok filem-filem ni pun, pasal filem-filem ni keluar TV masa Raya. Aku tak tengok kat panggung. Malah, filem pertama aku tengok kat panggung ialah King Peacock - filem Hong Kong.

Pada masa ni, filem tempatan belum mati. Masih ada XX Ray (1992), Perempuan, Isteri Dan Jalang (1993), namun kejayaan komersil yang gah - filem tempatan blockbuster - belum tercapai. Malah, kalau tak silap aku, untuk beberapa lama, hanya filem Police Story lakonan Jackie Chan yang berjaya mengaut keuntungan lebih RM10 juta di pawagam. Ini berdasarkan iklan Police Story III di dada akhbar pada masa tu.

Kemudian, datang Yusof Haslam daripada kejayaannya di TV membuat siri Remang-Remang Kotaraya (macam Chips) dan Ops Belantara (macam Nam: Tour of Duty), dia buat Sembilu pada tahun 1994, Sembilu 2, tahun berikutnya. Sembilu mencatat kutipan RM4.2 juta, kalau tak silap aku. Lepas tu, Sembilu 2 dapat dalam RM6 juta.

Aku ingat ni pun, pasal Yusof Haslam pada masa itu digelar Four-Million Dollar Man dan kemudian Six Million Dollar Man, bukan pasal dia mirip cyborg, tapi pasal kutipan filemnya di panggung. Kalau salah fakta ni, sorry ya?

Aku rasa industri filem menghala ke arah zaman itu. Ada rakan aku yang membuat tilikan lebih teruk - "industri filem akan berkubur macam industri filem Indonesia satu masa dahulu, kemudian akan dibina semula hanya oleh mereka yang betul-betul mahu buat filem."

Aku fikir, bagus juga. Biarkan industri ini mati secara semulajadi, kemudian bina semula dengan kesungguhan dan niat yang baru. Aku nak pakai perkataan 'iltizam' tadi, tapi rasa cam Anwar Ibrahim pulak.

Bayangkan hanya Dain Said dan Nik Amir buat filem. Bagus! Dain Said tak perlukan duit dan Nik Amir tak kisah pasal duit. Duit bukan faktor utama dalam hidup mereka (aku rasalah). Jadi, kita akan dapat lagi banyak filem yang bagus.

Yang takde? Variety. Kepelbagaian. Dapatlah lima filem setahun, macam 1985. Pelakon, krew semua beralih ke TV. Jangan bimbang. Audience TV ramai, sebab free. AKu rasa Media Prima dengan Astro je dah catat lebih RM3 billion pendapatan setahun. Rasanyalah. Aku bukan junkie Bursa Malaysia nak baca diorang punya reports.

Tapi persoalan industri sekarang ada dua yang aku fikir takkan dapat diselesaikan tanpa menghancurkan industri ini terlebih dahulu:

1. Ketiadaan audience untuk menonton filem
2. Menjadikan industri ini berdikari, tanpa bantuan dan halangan kerajaan

Ketiadaan audience amat jelas. Aku anggarkan, hanya ada 500,000 orang rakyat Malaysia yang menonton filem tempatan secara aktif (box-office tertinggi: RM12 juta = 1.2 juta tiket ~ 500,000 penonton). Angka ini amat lemah jika dibandingkan dengan populasi 28 juta orang.

Untuk membina segmen pasaran baru, stigma filem tempatan ini hanya untuk Melayu dan mat rempit harus dihapuskan. Orang 'urban' semua bangga cakap, "Aku tak tengok filem Melayu". Setiap kali ada di antara mereka cakap macam tu dengan bangga, satu popcorn mati. Dan kita cuma ada 500,000 pop corn.

Ini bukan salah diorang. Industri filem tempatan gagal menarik minat audience yang baru, sekarang audience lama pun dah bosan, kalau ikut kutipan tahun lepas dan tahun ni, setakat ini. Tanpa ihsan mereka, tak guna belanjakan duit buat filem. Baik berniaga manusia, kata Usin Lempoyang.

Yang satu lagi - menjadikan industri filem tempatan berdikari takkan tercapai tanpa sokongan penonton dengan wang ringgit dan masa diorang. Nak jual merchandise - lagilah kena ada ramai orang suka. Upin dan Ipin menjual berjuta ringgit merchandise sebab orang suka. Kalau filem ko pun tak laku, ko ingat orang nak beli t-shirt ko?

Nak buat product placement? Audience marah. Ko tengok MySpy dengan product placement Celcom. Yang tak marah cuma Hantu Gangster, aku dengar cerita lah.

Kerajaan ada menyumbang dana untuk membuat filem, tetapi ini cuma suntikan palsu. Ujian litmus sebenar ialah penerimaan penonton. Sistem penapisan mereka pula mengehadkan jenis filem yang boleh dibuat dan apa yang boleh ditunjukkan. Aku tak suka penapisan di sini atau di mana-mana sebab bukan semua yang hendak diluahkan oleh masyarakat itu kena, selari dengan agenda dan dogma politik mereka yang memegang kuasa.

Selepas kemusnahan industri filem tempatan, kita boleh bina balik, kalau nak. Mungkin ambil masa 10-20 tahun, mungkin lebih. Nanti jadi cam Indonesia, which is not bad.

Atau, tiba-tiba ramai gila orang pergi tengok filem tempatan, which is fantastic.

Apa yang aku rasa paling teruk boleh terjadi, kalau semua benda kekal sama - setiap tahun, penggiat dan pengusaha filem habis duit berjuta-juta, buat filem yang orang taknak tengok. Bazir masa, bazir duit. Sebab itu mesti UBAH!

Jadi, sama ada ramai gila orang tengok filem tempatan dan beri suntikan baru pada industri ini, atau jahanamkan kesemuanya, bakar kesemuanya dan biar dia naik balik sendiri dari abu, macam burung cenderawasih, dengan audience baru dan semangat baru, kalau mampu.

Nah, ini senario industri filem tempatan. Bagaimana ini merujuk kepada keadaan cuaca sosio-politik Malaysia? Bincangkan tidak melebihi 500 harkat.

The New Adventures of Boron (World's Most Boring Man)

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I am finally back from a 10pm meeting and I am fucking tired.

Today started with attending the launch of Roman - a publishing house by my friend Nizam Bakeri. After hitting it big with Pecah under Buku Fixi, Nizam is now off to set his own thing.

Then, I hitched a ride with eternally cool poetry publisher Sufian Abas to TTDI where I was the earliest guy for Anas Zubedy's pitch for the campaign #SaySomethingNice. #SaySomethingNice is a wonderful idea - between August 31 - Sept 16, Malaysians should say something nice to each other. Like, "Nice ass" or "Nice tits", or "Even though I believe that Anwar Ibrahim - like any other politician - is an unscrupulous, self-centered liar, I also believe he is necessary to keep the other unscrupulous, self-centered liars in BN in check." Or "I think Mimi Morticia is a smart girl, besides her beauty. And nice ass."

I was already tired, so I shared with everyone my hatred for politicians - which is totally the wrong energy for this kind of thing.

Anyway, I met Saw Teong Hin - the guy who directed PGL and Horee Horee, as well as some cool dudes and dudettes.

All this while, I was doing some copywriting using my Blackberry, and sending it to a friend waiting for it.

After Anas Zubedy's thing, I went home and did more copywriting before being whisked away back to TTDI for a 10pm meeting with a comics artist.

We hatched new plans and schemes and kept ourselves updated with the gossip in the creative industry.

Then I went home, where I did some stuff for some family members - while being hounded for another quotation for another project - and am now tired beyond ghastly belief, but sated and satisfied somehow.

It's been a while since I worked this hard. I hope there will be no meetings tomorrow so I can sleep in, and maybe finish my novel and start on a new comics script.

I once intimated to a friend that sometimes I find it difficult to do anything, unless it is heroic in nature. Well, today was heroic. If only I can fuck a girl in the ass or something, then this day would be complete.


We The People

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What constantly amuses me is the fact that most people are pissed off that there are so many differing views on something or even anything.

They are consistently surprised when they meet or read views that are different than theirs. I find their shock to be funny.

For instance, the so-called 'liberals' in KL are often shocked when some people don't share their 'liberal' views. And some 'pro-democratic' supporters just can't take it when there are people who value other forms.

We can see this in movies and music. Most people are mortified with the Justin Bieber phenomenon, or the huge interest with Twilight the past few years. Perhaps as horrified as their parents were when they started listening to Queen or Nirvana or watched porn.

What IS shocking, really? The very foundation of democracy and capitalism is to allow and even promote differing views, settling it with a vote either through a political election or the daily market election where consumers vote with their money.

Let's look at age of consent. In the US, the age of consent is 18. Meaning you can have sex at 18 and get married at that age (though you can be convicted for a murder as an adult, at 14. Go figure.). UK has it at 16. In Thailand, it is legal for you to work in a bar at 18, but illegal for you to consume alcohol or even frequent a bar until you are 21.

In the old days, you can marry at 9 years of age, perhaps younger. In some parts of the world, this is still true, though most modern civilisations peg the marrying age at the legal 18. Or 16.

Who determines all these things? Why, we do. Laws are set by the people. This IS our social contract, bound in a legal manner. Borders are merely imaginary lines we set so one set of rules apply on some parts of the earth and another in other parts.

Democratic concepts push for a variety of views, and even have safeguards to protect the minority views and groups. Even in business, minority shareholders still have some protection. So owning 51% of a company - say, Wayne Enterprises or Stark Industries - does not mean you can do as you like and fund your cave-spelunking, BASE-diving, bridge-jumping hobby using experimental products your company is developing in R&D.

In fact, rules and laws can be exploited so much by minorities that South Africa was under minority rule - Apartheid - for quite a number of years. It took a whole bunch of revolutionaries and Mandela to make it majority rule once more.

A similar situation exists in Israel. The Palestinian numbers are growing faster than the Israelis. Israel would have two options - recognise Palestine or allow every Palestinian the right to vote. Being the majority, we could see a Palestinian head of state for Israel. There is a third option - kill them all or leave them out for the zombies to eat. Highly unlikely.

My point is - differences in opinions and views should not be the basis of despair and distraught. It should be celebrated. The difference in opinion drove the Edison-Tesla rivalry, the Jobs-Gates business feud, Galileo versus the Catholic church, Freud vs Jung, the list goes on.

What humanity needs to evolve out of is emotion. Our politics usually degrade into hate-filled catchphrases, charged with racist and bigoted agenda.

"Buy Chinese last". "Melayu malas". "India mabuk". Hmph. Primitives.

Shell

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This is the intro to the first Ghost in the Shell movie. This is a cartoon from my youth.

It's a story about a world that has embraced highly-advanced cybernetic technology. The protagonist is Makoto Kusanagi, a law-enforcement/military officer who has implanted her brain to a full android body, making her a cyborg.

Oh, by the way:

android = a robot that looks human.
cyborg = a combination of human and robot.

Ghost in the Shell asks this philosophical question - what defines us as humans? With Makoto, she retains her brain and consciousness as a human, but functions totally with her robotic body. Is she still human? On what basis? Is it merely our consciousness that defines us as human?

What if something other than human attains self-awareness?

In the first movie, Makoto tracks down a singularity - a computer programme that has gained sentience. The self-aware programme jumps from one host to the other, just like Makoto replaces one body with the next, should she need to. GiTS is, indeed, very deeply philosophical and the manga extends the exploration of humanity with the ego and image in a world where none of this matters that much.

You can have avatars in communication so someone who is taking a crap can make it seem as if they are in full office garb or old people can seem to be three cool guys with a naked cat-woman/sphinx at their feet.

In GiTS: Stand Alone Complex, GiTS goes mass psychology - something I am very interested in.

'Stand Alone Complex' is just a term they came up with to refer to a phenomenon where non-related, yet  similar actions of unconnected individuals create the illusion of a concerted effort. I encounter this in mass campaigns or even in the habit of watching movies, how word of mouth travels or even pop culture, politics and media/communication.

I don't think or study these things so I can manipulate people on a mass scale, but simply as an intrigued observer. I believe using anything from that is unethical.

Here I copy from Wikipedia:

The main antagonist of the series, Goda, attempts to spark a revolution by what he terms "data manipulation" in other words, fulfilling pre-requisite conditions of a Stand Alone Complex. By manipulating the fear and frustration of the repressed Chinese refugees in Japanese society, as well as creating false information which is then "leaked" to the police and Public Security Section 9, a terrorist organization calling itself "The Individual Eleven" emerges. However with each terrorist incident, including an attempted assassination on the Prime Minister, it becomes clear that nothing connects the incidents together besides a logo, which had been "leaked" by Goda. In other words, "The Individual Eleven" is an organization constructed by a Stand Alone Complex - a group of self-interested individuals with no connection or ties to each other but unconsciously and collectively act towards the common purpose of revolution. Goda notes that there is a tendency within a Stand Alone Complex for the masses to unconsciously project their inadequacies and common desires onto a leader. In the first Stand Alone Complex this was the Laughing Man and in Ghost in the Shell: S.A.C. 2nd GIG this figure is unconsciously realized in the form of Hideo Kuze.

A similar existential question is also asked by Serial Experiment: Lain. In SEL, it is suggested that reality exists simply because of multiple perceptions of people believe it so. For example, Jay-Z exists simple because a number of people believes and perceives he exists.

Going by that, a self-aware computer tries to hack into the minds of several people - a family and a few girls - and make them perceive a girl called Lain. It was an experiment by the artificial intelligence that has gained sentience to send an ambassador into the human world.

SEL also referenced real-world experiments to store data - information - in the atmosphere, just as Tesla thought it was possible to do away with wires and simply broadcast electricity. Since the computer's binary language is just ones and zeroes and all computer circuitry is just  either in an off or on state to simulate the values one and zero, the theory was to realign charges in the atmosphere as positive (ones) and negative (zeroes) in such a way that computers can access it.

Using the same concept, it is theoretically possible to programme the human brain. Of course, this is sci-fi, so anything that could happen, happens. And we see a girl who doesn't exist, wearing bear pyjamas and using an old Apple computer - the Navi.

So what does this mean for people who want to write? Or are writing? I dunno. I don't bother myself with messages or construct something with such deep underlying philosophy. Whenever I do, nobody gets it because I understand each human experience is unique and nobody shares the same perception of anything.

Oh well. I hit my word target tonight. Time to sleep. Hope I can wake up to a naked cyborg beside me.

Team Jongang: Sakit Gigi dan Isu Alvivi

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Aku tak puasa hari ni, jadi aku nak maki orang bodoh.

Selepas tiga hari sakit gigi, aku baru jumpa dentist hari ni. Doktor gigi aku cakap aku punya pre-molar belah kiri aku mungkin baru nak kena jangkitan, sebab tampalan kat situ dalam sangat.

Dia bagi dua pilihan rawatan:

1. Ambik antibiotik selama lima hari

ATAU

2. Buat root canal kat gigi tu.

Dia syorkan aku ambik antibiotik dulu, mana tau kalau-kalau jangkitan tu boleh dicegah dan dipulihkan dengan hanya antibiotik yang agak hebat (mahal). Kelemahan cara ni ialah aku tak boleh puasa selama lima hari.

Whatever la, bro. Aku sekarang ada sebab kukuh untuk tak berpuasa - aku tengah makan antibiotik. Dan aku bersyukur, gigi aku masih agak sempurna, kalau dibandingkan dengan gigi Vivian daripada kumpulan pelawak kurang ajar Alvin dan Vivian, juga dikenali sebagai Alvivi. Aku panggil diorang Team Jongang.

Team Jongang dulu menggemparkan dunia orang yang tak pernah tengok porn dengan buat sex-tape sendiri. Aku dah tengok video lucah tersebut dan aku hanya ada komen ini: industri perfileman Malaysia masih di takuk lama.

Kemudian, selepas menerangkan yang mereka mahu 'famous' macam Kim Kardashian, Team Jongang masih tak famous lagi. Aku syak ini pasal gigi jongang, tapi mungkin jugak sebab orang Malaysia masih lain daripada orang US, dan Team Jongang, seperti biasa, tidaklah sepandai yang mereka berangankan.

Aku tak pernah endahkan Team Jongang, sebab aku faham apa yang mereka mahu lakukan - mendapatkan perhatian dan dengan itu menjana wang. Kalau akaun YouTube, Twitter dan Facebook mereka mendapat beratus ribu subscriber, mereka boleh dapat RATUSAN ringgit! Pakcik (Jongang) Kayooo!

Aku juga mahu mempertahankan hak bersuara mereka dalam negara yang kadang-kadang ada kebebasan bersuara ini. Ini, walaupun aku tak bersetuju dengan apa yang mereka suarakan - sebuah video lucah berkualiti rendah oleh dua ekor yang sangka mereka pencetus revolusi, penggempar industri! Huh! Daru 9-2! Eh, sorry, tersasul.

Jadi, reaksi aku pada masa itu sama dengan ramai warga Malaysia yang lain - pergilah mampus. Ko nak tayang puki dan konek tak seberapa dengan teknik kelamin picisan itu, silakan. AKu takkan bazirkan bandwidth kurniaan Kerajaan (Ooooo, terima kasih, Kerajaan!) pada aku dengan memuatturun satu produk yang jauh tidak berkualiti kalau dibandingkan karya lucah Roman-Nikkatsu di Jepun dan gelombang Category III di HK.

Gagal menarik minat masyarakat Malaysia dengan video lucah jongang,  tidak dicalonkan dalam Anugerah Bintang Popular, Festival Filem Malaysia, mahupun menjadi artis Mentor, Team Jongang dalam keadaan seperti telur (puyuh) di hujung tanduk (kambing).

Mereka buat satu posting di Facebook, tunjuk diorang tengah makan Bak Kut Teh (sup babi), dan mengucapkan Selamat Berbuka Puasa kepada semua Umat Islam, dan cuba 'mempromosi' Bak Kut Teh kepada orang Islam Malaysia.

Bila orang mula marah, aku bagitau kat semua yang sanggup mendengar leteran aku - "Diorang ni cuma nakkan perhatian, jadi jangan bagi perhatian. Biar dia mampus takleh join AF musim baru."

Juga, atas dasar kebebasan bersuara, aku fikir Team Jongang wajar diberikan ruang untuk menjeritkan mesej mereka yang cuba mengapikan sentimen keagamaan. Di bulan Puasa.

Biar je. Aku fikir reaksi pandai untuk Team Jongang hanya ada dua:

1. Biar je dia nak buat statement-statement macam tu. Rekod, buat poster besar-besar, jaja kat setiap pelusuk Malaysia. Ko nak famous, kan, Team Jongang? Kami boleh buat kau famous nak mampus. Biarlah Team Jongang menjadi simbol kekurangajaran sesetengah rakyat Malaysia. Moga mereka hidup selamanya sebagai peringatan kepada semua. Patut buat tugu untuk Team Jongang. Patut masuk muzium. Atau zoo.

ATAU

2. Ambil tindakan sekeras-kerasnya dengan semua undang-undang yang ada. Kalau tak cukup, letak dua kilo heroin dalam spender atau belakang gigi Team Jongang. Hukuman gantung mandatori. Nak buat, buat betul-betul.

Malang tidak berbulu, orang Malaysia mengambil jalan tengah. Diorang buat laporan polis. Je. Team Jongang patut jumpa MCMC pagi tadi, tapi mengekalkan tema kurang ajar, datang lewat 45 minit.

Haih.

Kau nak buat apa, MCMC? Huh? PDRM? Takde senario yang aku fikir akan menguntungkan ko.

Malaysia terlepas peluang mengabadikan Team Jongang sebagai simbol pemodenan negara. Dan tindakan Team Jongang merosakkan perjuangan kebebasan bersuara apabila pihak konservatif akan menggunakan mereka sebagai senjata melawan pihak liberal (yang betul, bukan yang main-main penipu macam bebudak URBAN sekarang).

Tengok macam aku. Bila gigi sakit, aku tak mengambil jalan tengah, sebaliknya memilih antara dua langkah yang logik. Sebab apa? Sebab aku pandai. Ya, bila aku cakap aku pandai, maknanya aku cakap ko bodoh.

Woke Up In The Morning, Grabbed Myself a Gun

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I woke up to take my meds. I hope I'll wake up again tomorrow for yet another meeting, and that I won't wake up to more bullshit in this country.

A friend last night pointed out Syahredzan Johar's piece about 'Entitled Malay Muslims'. Read it here.

He's saying that Malay Muslims should not be offended by non-Muslims eating and drinking in front of them during Ramadan and that Malay Muslims are essentially tyrants shitting on the fundamental rights of everyone.

I was about to write a long retort, but then I had a massive fart and realised I'm much too busy for this shit. Let's just laugh at Alvin and Vivian, the affable Team Jongang of lore.

While they are Chinese, I do not believe all Chinese are as stupid as Team Jongang and think themselves way smarter than the buck-toothed capybaras they are.

Alvivi Sex Tape

I do not believe in grand sweeping statements about any group of people. I tend to hate lots of gaggles of girl groups, but I'd fuck at least one member any time.

Likewise the grand sweeping statements on entitled Malay Muslims by a Malay Muslim apologist. I agree with most of what is said by Syahredzan - there are instances of persecution and discrimination based on Islam in this country. Revathi's case comes to mind - a case not a single fucking shithead politician on any divide, NGO of any pretentious posturing or any apologist apologising for anything has ever cared to champion. My problem is only with the grand sweeping statements made.

I am not fasting for five days due to health issues. Just today, I drank and smoked in front of no less than six Internet celebrities - all of them Malay Muslims - and they didn't give a fuck.

I don't have a car so I don't park everywhere. I tend to leave that to my Hindu neighbours who plonk their vehicles in a massive orgy outside my apartment building, next to a temple for the God Siva - the God of Destruction. They're most welcome to, cause I don't care.

My apologies for being unapologetic. I'm sorry, I'm not sorry. So take your approval-seeking populist apology, shine it up real nice, turn that sumbitch sideways and stick it up your hairy ass.

Back to Basics

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My father often asks about what people in KL eat, because to him, human existence revolves around very basic needs - food, clothing, shelter.

For a long time, I thought this was backwards thinking. Surely, a maturing civilisation and the march of progress means humans - Malaysians as well, even though some are monkeys - can focus on more elaborate and sophisticated constructs and themes. Democracy, for example, or spiritual enlightenment, economic progress, luxury and value-added living.

I believe that I have come full circle by acknowledging the fact that if we, as humans and Malaysians, can go back to basics, we can finally and fully attain all these complex things.

For example, Bunohan is widely regarded as one of the best films from Malaysia in the past 30 years, if not THE best. For me, that accolade of being the best Malaysian film is Kami, the one with Sudirman in the '80s. Some people like Yasmin Ahmad movies, others KL Gangster, Ombak Rindu, Kil, Sembilu, Perempuan, Isteri dan Jalang, etc.

What these great movies have in common is  respect for the basics. Bunohan is just - to me - pure flawless textbook execution of theme, character, story and shots. Ombak Rindu played on the base instincts of the audience, while Sembilu was groundbreaking in its simple concept and cross-medium offering.

Kil's appeal to me is the earnestness and love for filmmaking the makers displayed through their craft. Yasmin Ahmad's films and Kami were a masterclass in the basic premise of appealing to your base emotions, and the thought that underneath everything, humans are good people.

In the SlamDunk manga, Anzai always harped on the importance of basic skills and basic training. Journalists always fall back on basic techniques when writing. Those who try to break the rules without knowing what rules are in place and why they are there, would usually fail miserably. Or flounder in bewilderment as to why things turn out in certain ways.

Anzai had a promising student who moved to the States, thinking, "If I breathed the air there, I would jump higher." No such thing, and he floundered because despite the amazing potential, he recklessly disregarded core basic skills.

I believe that in the race for gimmicky innovation and 'making an impact', many creative people and creative projects suffered with their basics. This makes some creative projects hollow, because the basics are the core of anything. Remove the core, and you have something that makes a loud sound but really has no substance.

I believe that lots of Malaysian films are being rejected by the Malaysian audience (on average) simply because the films are no longer well-made due to the disregard to the basics. We are all perhaps valuing ourselves much too highly to be bothered by the basics, and pride would always come before the fall.

When I first started writing, I had only one dream - to do comics properly. That was my one and only drive. I love the two great styles of storytelling in comics - Western and Japanese. I want to go back to my roots and enjoy myself - because that is my core. I'm a wanker.

Tales in the Sand

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There are stories I have been writing in my head for the past 14 years.

The oldest is something I wish to turn into a comic book. It's a grand project of fantasy fiction, combining whatever South East Asian mythologies I like in a world of political intrigue and tactics. The stakes are always extremely high for each of the characters.

This is the most complex story I have ever developed and it is still not written yet - not fully. I have shared the details with numerous people and while I trust them not to plagiarise my ideas, my only consolation is I am the only person who can write it the way it should be written.

It combines mythology, Heroes of Might and Magic, classic sword and sorcery conventions, obscure HK manhua, Islamic legends as well as Army of Darkness. All things I enjoyed growing up.

Another is a take on space opera and mecha anime. Yet another is a superhero pastiche. Right now, though, there is something more human, more Ghibli and Gainax I am trying to crack, while doing some work for an anthology I am editing.

Need to do this right. At 4.33am, I can't think neither straight nor gay. So I'm rambling and rambling and tomorrow I need to buy a phone. And yeah, there's that quotation I need to send.

Oh well. I'm riding on this energy that will carry these things forward. I just need to figure out the formula for that one. The one I'm doing. The one where I had a story, but think I can do better.

Back to basics. Keep it simple. Come on.

I sleep first la.

Furi Kuri

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The greatest coming of age story is not The Body  by Stephen King (Stand By Me was the movie adaptation). It is FLCL or FuriKuri or Fooly Cooly.

Hahahaha! Thank you! I have an idea now.


For the Man Who Has Everything

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I have been writing - or trying to write - a love story, and I encountered a problem. I don't feel anything anymore.

This short film, for example, used to make me cry. I don't anymore. I just don't care. Failing to find the rhythm to the love story I'm writing, I fell back on well-known, tried and tested literary conventions. Writing tricks. Structure. I know it will work as a story, but I just don't feel anything. It seems contrived, fake. Shallow.

 I reached out to other writers - people I trust - and I find that I was still trying to solve the issue with a workman-like attitude. It's how I have always approached a lot of things - I keep pounding at it until I hack off - from my self - a product that can be good and in some parts possibly great. But I do not love. And it is not sad. 

I look at everything in this world today, and all I see are reviews, lines, how I can describe it in a sentence or how it is impossible to describe - and how to describe that. I be with people, and I judge and gauge what goes on in their minds, what's their motivation, their character arc, their secret fears and what they will end up thinking.

I see beautiful girls and all I can think off is how girls in Thailand are more beautiful. Or how they would have to take their long tresses and wind it up around their necks as they take a shit. Or how they use the world to make it all about them. Or how and what they lie about. People lie. All of them do.

I would come up with a bunch of psychological analysis, some Freudian, others Jungian, because this is really about me and how smart I am. I am so smart, I don't have to lie. This is the lie I tell myself, because lying would make my life easier. I am just too damn arrogant to do so.

Girls like to play games. They want to feel special. All humans do. I find that to be primitive. Base. I believe we should evolve into higher beings.

It is not sad because I am not unhappy. I am content with my life. I know huge changes are coming, as they always do, and I am old enough not to get too excited at possibilities. Just because something can happen doesn't mean it will.

And if nothing happens, I will be as I am, which is fine. Writing something when you don't feel it is painful. Which is why I am going back to basics. I am going to write this. This thing I just wrote. I am going to put this into the story. About a man who do not and can not love.

But first, some corporate work. These days, I find more life in doing some of these things.

The Trifecta

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Neil Gaiman (Chaos Be Upon Him) said that in order for you to traverse the choppy waters of freelance whatever, you need to be two of three things.

You are either:

1. The best at what you do
2. Extremely reliable
3. Extremely likeable

You may not have to be the best, but if you deliver on time, according to specifications and if dealing with you is a pleasure, you will get jobs and you will get paid and you will survive.

You may be the best, and people like dealing with you, but you are often late and tend to disappear. No matter. You will also survive.

Or you might get things on time and you are the best. But you tend to fuck your clients up. You will still get business because you are simply the best and most reliable option.

If you rely on only one thing, you will fail.

So choose two or be three out of three.

Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?

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This weekend, I will finish another version of a synopsis for a story I'm working on. The one I'm having trouble with - the romance tale.

While I am always insecure about my writing - keeps me on my toes, even while being a needy bitch - having the full freedom to write anything I want is a challenge, as well as doing romance - something I have no interest in either in real life or in creative projects.

In fact, 10 years ago, I decided to experience the one thing I never had - romantic love and all that comes with it. Rejection, jealousy, elation, etc. I was convinced that these experiences would be necessary for me to become a better writer.

Looking back, 10 years later, I can safely say I was fooling myself. That was not and is not me. In truth, I don't care about romantic love. This is not a justification or an attempt to be a cool, out-of-reach personality. This is the truth.

While I do care about our fate as a species and reserve a soft-spot for poor people in rural areas, I have also trained myself not to care about what other people think of me up to a point where I discovered a kind of serenity that comes with letting go of the mating instinct.

Sexual drive and desire can be separate from romance. In fact, by purely focusing on technique, I believe a better result can be experienced by all involved.

The same can be said of the romance I am writing. I have enough experience to make it work, mechanically, but it would not be my story.

My take on romance is that it is extremely rare, and perhaps does not exist. Like Big Foot. It's like finding the G-Spot or female ejaculation.

The thing is, I often fail to connect with humans either on an intellectual, spiritual, emotional or physical level.

Anyway, here's one of the lists I kept for a long time, until I decided to let go:

1. The girl must be smarter than me.
Since I am the Greatest Mind of the 21st Century, I accept the fact that there is no one in this century who is my intellectual equal.
However, being smart does not just mean IQ. Someone with a high EQ or wise enough could be smarter than me.
Unfortunately, no one is. O, lament!

2. The girl must be, at her core, a good person.

There are many definitions of what 'good' is. Using my Soul's Eye, I can determine whether someone is good or evil.

My mind is permanently tuned to the darkness in the hearts of humans. I embody all the evil, pettiness and insecurities possible in all humans, so I understand all of that in other people. It is extremely rare to find someone who is free from all this, as everyone is flawed.

3. Physical attributes

I do not care for big tits.

Smell is very important. I trust nature has given humans the olfactory senses to sniff out good genes. Most women smell of Nivea body milk or other chemicals. Poor women (and men) smell of Softlan. I can distinguish the smells of around a dozen shampoos and perfumes (Clairol Herbal Essence, Tresemme[which I use], Rejoice), evaluating her financial stability, taste or even medical condition.

For example, if a girl smells of Sastid, she probably suffers from skin condition, maybe ringworms (kurap) or shingles (kurap. Herpes).

I am turned off by Poppinjay soap smell because that's what my mother and her friends used when I was a child.

Some women also smell of milk or talcum powder. These are usually mothers or are in the vicinity of children/babies. Not good.

Some girls smell of bak kut teh or fried chicken. No comment.

Some women mix oils to make their own perfumes/body spray/body oils. Vanilla is good, while those preferring a tangy citrus scent belies their problems with BO.

I myself suffered from BO as a child and teen, so when I discovered Thai sex workers have no smell, I was and am quite impressed.

4. Psychology

I am emotionally unstable, prone to mood swings due to my heightened intellect. So if the girl is emotional as well, we would have a bad time. Unfortunately, a lot of women are emotional and those who aren't are also quite normally no fun.

Some men manipulate and take advantage of a woman's emotional instability to get everything - sex, money, a sense of superiority to mask their many deficiencies. I have no such intentions because I believe these things to be primitive.

Some girls also tried to manipulate me. I do to them what I do to people who tried to lie or manipulate me - I killed them all and buried their bodies somewhere in Lake Garden.

5. Trust

The basis for any relationship is trust. Since I do not trust anyone, I can never have any relationship.

I believe that deep down inside, humans are evil, selfish and scared. This is their id. This is the thing that kept our ancestors safe from bigger mammals and reptiles. Entire civilisations and our greatest achievements in society, science and whatever else came from fear and paranoia.

That vestigial instinct of fight or flight when encountering something threatening is sure to make its appearance when girls meet me because I am always a threat.

Nevertheless, I must be able to trust someone to be in any kind of relationship. So far, the only thing that has worked is my tendency to limit my trust to certain things and security levels.

6. Conclusion

This was my list. An impossible list, which seemed more like an excuse not to open up to any human. But there it is.

Several years ago, I let this list go, in favour of trying to live like a normal person. I found that I didn't like it, and people started to annoy me even more than before.

Humans - not just girls - also have a heightened sense of  themselves, immediately thinking I am affected by them. This arrogance, when I have worked so long and so hard to ensure I am not affected by any human - to some degree of success.

I don't care. How many times do I need to repeat this message before it sounds hollow?

In the end, I can sum it up like this - I have never loved anyone other than myself. Now back to work (which I love).

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